The Happy Loner

Blockmate 1: Hello Herald!


Blockmate 2: Hello Herald!? (As if talking to a deaf)


Herald: (With a nervous, shaky tone) Oh, hi there!


[And the conversation stops there]

***

[The bell rings for a two-hour break]


Blockmate 1: Where are we gonna stay now?


Blockmate 2: Let’s go to the canteen! I’m hungry.


Blockmate 1: Eh, how about you Herald? Would you like to join us?


Herald: (so glad that he was actually asked) Uhm, well, uhm---- (B2 suddenly interrupts)


Blockmate 2: Nah! I’m pretty sure he’ll be off to the library AGAIN. Study habits, as they say.


Herald, talking to himself: W-H-A-T?? LIBRARY??!! Are you serious? That place is only for the LOSERS who got no friends! A refuge for the LONERS!


[But Herald silently still proceeds to the library,with his stomach growling loudly]

***

I am the kind of person who is very used to being alone. Surprisingly, it neither makes me happy nor sad.

In high school, although I had my circle of friends, I still felt that I only existed behind their shadows. But I really didn’t mind. Aside from the friendship we were building, the security that stems from it was what I needed. Like any other growing teen in high school, I also dreamt ‘to belong.’ I sought for that sense of belongingness. And in high school where the world seems to be literally small, it didn’t take me long to find it.

But high school was entirely different. I’m now in college where things are tougher and people fiercer. There may be thousands of students from all walks of life here, but the sense of belongingness that I am searching for remains elusive. Friends in college are indeed scarce. Or should I say, friends here in college are unfortunately scarce... TO THE ONE WRITING THIS ARTICLE.

But hey, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have friends at all. I still have. And although they may not be as many as the fingers in your one hand, I think it’s already better than having none at all.

Okay, so I’m still sort of a loser loner. But I’m not the typical nerd-looking loner whose vacant hours are spent in the library (although I’m already getting accustomed to spending most of my time studying). I don’t know why but I’m just happy being alone. It’s like I get to observe the world around me without actually involving myself with them. It’s like I’m just in the level of a spectator who doesn’t care much about what people would say to me. It’s like they anticipate for the every word that my mouth would utter. It’s like I’m creating my own world out of my unbreakable silence. It’s amazing! It’s like I’m baffling people with my aura of mystery. For them, I am puzzling and mysterious. And it just always thrills me whenever I see them trying so hard to figure me out with my imperviousness. And I must say I’m loving it! It’s very different from my world in high school – busy, tiring, noisy, no peace, almost without privacy. Cool! Loner? Definitely! Playing safe? Probably. Crazy? You judge.

But wait. I’m not here to encourage you to detach yourselves from social ties. I, too, am still learning to establish bonds and to socialize with others. I know that living one’s self alone is unhealthy, and it may not do him good in the long run. So instead of distancing myself from people, I know that I should start opening up myself to them. I also know that I must squash the feeling of ‘intimidation’ if I want to gain friends. This has always been the problem with me: I easily get intimidated with the people here in college. (But hey, why would I? Perhaps I just need to have a boost of self-confidence! Go Herald!)

You may think now that I’m insanely faced with a dilemma. But I tell you, I am not torn between being a loner and being a social individual. This isn’t a struggle for me. THIS IS SKILL! (Oh yeah? Lol) Without any intent to brag, I know well how to handle myself. I am a loner and can be silent at times, but I can also be the opposite when I want to. I just happen to discover the ‘peace’ of being a loner and the solitude it offers, and then learned to love it. This is indeed a skill! (Whatever!)

So what if I’m a loner? It doesn't add any bout of misery in my life anyway. At least I could get the chance to view the world from a different perspective. At least I’m honing my intrapersonal skill (is there such a skill?). But more than anything else, at least I could prove to everyone that the *oxymoron ‘HAPPY LONER’ does exist!

You have to believe me. I'm a living testament to that.

***

Instructor: Okay, class. We will have a game and I want you to group yourselves into five.


Herald: Uh-oh!


[Students begin to form groups]


Blockmate 1 (leader of one group consisting blockmates 2, 3, 4 & 5): is it okay if we're six in the group sir?


Herald (to blockmate 1): No, don't bother. I'm fine. Really.


Instructor: Oh I forgot to tell you. The mechanics of the game is for everyone to find a group. He who has no group loses the game. In other words, the LONERS are the LOSERS!


...are the LOSERS! the LOSERS! LOSERS! (echoing into Herald's mind...then fading)


Herald: WOW SIR! THAT HURTS!

***

-end






NOTE: the article above is written quite exaggeratedly :D :D :D
*oxymoron- A figure of speech in which incongruous or contradictory terms appear side by side (examples: open secret, living dead, burning cold, dark light)