Eyes to the goal

I'll be on my third year in college this June. And in the field where I belong, it'll just be the beginning of the REAL test. In my end, that could only mean one thing: A DRAMA-DEPRIVED LIFE. So now I'm thinking of making a pact with myself about certain things that can potentially affect my studies. I'm thinking of setting some terms of how I'm gonna lead my life for the remaining two years of my college predicament. With my fingers crossed, I'm hoping to fulfill the following:

To study my lessons everyday. To spend every minute of my time wisely. To be overly strict in following my study schedules. To make sure that my weekends and even little break times will be utilized productively.

To not go online much. To not TWEET much. To not FB much. To not blog much. To not Youtube much. To be less visible in the virtual world as much as possible.

To minimize watching movies, series, anime, and TV. To limit downloading movies and stuff. To limit buying DVDs.

To not use my phone much. To not text and GM much. To only use it when the need for it arises.

To cancel, defer and/or decline any form of invitation from anyone to go out for some unimportant events and activities.

To do whatever is right and necessary to achieve that much coveted title of CPA.

And more.

I hope I can do all these (Well, at least for the first week :p). You see, when I checked my subjects for this semester, I saw this and that and this and that subjects. And I have no idea at all what those are all about. But two years from now, I'll be taking the board exam consisting of those very foreign subjects. Which means I have to really do good in them. Which means I really need to FOCUS now. Which means I need to work extra hard. Which means I need to fix back my eyes to that ultimate goal.

And you know what that is. =)

Perplexed

He has given them a part of him.


His favorite pastime.


His favorite songs.

His  favorite artists.

His favorite books.

His favorite shows.

His cyberspace expressions.

But why?

It's called personal opinion.

This is what this blog of him is all about.

It's like a personal journal.

You know you started it.

He doesn't need to explain himself.

But why?

You talking behind him?

I just don't get it.


He's not dumb.

He can definitely read through you.

But don't worry.


He's become immune to it already.

But why?

Just please don't use God's name against him.

That's just too much.

Please. You. Ingrate.

Illuminati

NOTE: I listen to mainstream music. But I have nothing against religion. I believe in God. 

You probably heard of Illuminati--some cult of sort that is allegedly infiltrating the mainstream media to spread satanic messages and stuff. I heard of 'em. A million times. For some times, I was utterly swayed to believe that such really do exist. But for other times, I'd see myself being indifferent. So getting down into business, here's my thoughts and personal opinions about this Illuminati thingy:

I really haven't done much research about this Illuminati but I do know that Illuminati savvies would say that in order to see proof of its existence, all I gotta do is watch today's popular music videos on Youtube and tada, Illuminati! They say that when you critically watch those music videos, you'd eventually see some symbolism which according to critiques, are satanic in nature and ultimately, anti-Christ. I gotta tell you, I'm a huge fan of Jessie J [Adam Young, The Script, Ed Sheeran as well] not just because her songs got like the best lyrics in the world (ha!) but because after watching some of her interviews, I couldn't help but be in awe for her fiery passion for music. So for some random person [who knows little about Jessie J] to say that she's an Illuminati minion right into my face, it really made me blow my top. Sometimes, what draws us to loving a song is not just its pleasant-to-the-ears melody and beats, it's also the blossoming liking and profound knowledge that we have for the artist who sings that song.

With this to consider, I have several questions to ask. Why do people instantly judge an artist base solely on his/her music video without even having a background check of that person? Without even trying to exert that little effort to know that person more? I mean, c'mmon! For all we know, that artist may have been through a lot of struggles in life--maybe a loved one of hers/him died, maybe he/she was constantly been bullied when he/she was young and stuff like that. And, to dismiss all these realities of that artist's life and judge him/her as an evil's puppet just by some crappy video you happen to click on YouTube? I believe that's not fair at all. My point here is: Don't hate and don't judge unless you know that person personally...because that person has his/her fair share of pains and struggles in life too. And maybe music is the only way of expressing these bottled-up feelings.

Second question I wanna ask is: since almost everyone in the music industry is being suspected as being involved in this Illuminati thingy, then who's left for us to look up to? Who are these saintly artists left whom we're ought to listen to? I mean, people who claim that Illuminati exists obviously target the more popular music icons that we have today. So how about the not so popular? What sets the Illuminati people apart from the non-Illuminati people? How can we distinguish them? It's just not fair to set as criteria a 'goat's head in a music video' in order to sort the good guys from the bad guys.

If the music videos serve as proof of Illuminati's existence, then I'd like to also ask: who creates these mvs? I know that the artists themselves have a hand in conceptualizing the whole shoot, but I believe the greater responsibility ultimately lies in the directors' shoulders. Does that mean these directors are Illuminati minions too? If yes, then does that mean even the logistics people, the janitors [who cleaned up the shoot's mess] and everyone who in one way or another contributed to the creation of the music video... are they Illuminati guys too? I don't think so.

Another thing that keeps disturbing me is: Some of the artists who are accused of being part of the Illuminati cult are also involved with charity works, some even have their own charitable foundations. If faith in God is more clearly manifested in deeds, would these charitable works count for nothing? People may say these are merely cover-up for the artists' evil identities. But guise or not, action still speaks louder than words, ain't it? Also, claiming to spread the word of God at the expense of accusing other people of evil works? I definitely can't judge; I can only pray to God for enlightenment.

Lastly: what one doesn't know will not hurt him. So, if an uncivilized caveman from the hinterlands  of Mount Arayat happens to hear Gaga's 'Judas', would that already cause him to sin? Maybe. Or maybe not.

But you know better.

(Note: Definitely unedited. If you spot some you know, sorry :p)

Venting my depression

I KNOW NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO FIND AND READ THIS. BUT IN CASE SOME SOUL WANDERS IN THIS DIRECTION, PLEASE TRY, TRY, TRY TO UNDERSTAND. DON'T JUDGE. I'M JUST... IN A DOWNCAST MOOD. REALLY.

The optimistic, I-know-everything's-gonna-be-alright side of me

Today I received the result of my Math midsummer exam. Its equivalent grade was by far the worst grade I ever received since I entered college. Yes, I felt crestfallen and all but I know this is not the end of me. It's totally fine with me. What matters really is that I didn't fail the subject. Also, I got my own theories on why I ended up getting such low grade and I know everything boils down to my complacency. I started taking my summer classes for granted that I fail to perform anymore at par to what I normally can do. This is just probably a wake-up call for me. For me to not settle for low. With this, I'm promising myself that I'll do better next time. I know I can do this. Carry on! :)

The bitter, I-f*cking-hate-my-life side of me

Today I received the result of my Math midsummer exam. What the f*ck! F*ck that subject! F*ck everything! Not getting a grade of A or A- is SO NOT ME! And to think I'm getting this rubbish grade on a summer class? I'm just so hating myself for it. I've been working my ass off for the last 2 years (plus one summer period) and I've proven to almost everyone that I'm definitely someone to watch out for. In my academics life, I'd like to think of myself as the SILENT KILLER, the competitive one who is silently doing his thing out of everyone's sight. I'm the one whom everyone would think as just another brown, promdi guy who isn't capable of doing great. But for the last 4 semesters, I've been successful of proving those clueless people wrong. But now, at this very moment, I'm overly frustrated with myself. I know I can do better. I know I can do excellent. But f*ck this whole summer class!!! Even my grades in my other two subjects BCA and BA... I don't know! I don't blame the teachers of course. It's all my fault for not performing outstandingly. At this point, I feel like I'm going downhill. F*CK! F*CK! Downhill isn't supposed to be my direction. It IS NOT my direction. And for someone so competitive as myself, this is like a serious blow. I've been on top in high school and elementary and I know better than anyone else that the hardest part of being on the pinnacle is maintaining being on that spot--fighting ferociously for that spot. Consistency indeed equals survival. It's just so hard to see people get ahead of you while you can't even track your own performance improvement because you're already on top and people think of you as the standards. The downside of being an achiever. F*ck! Dammit!! I hate being the benchmark! Can I just be an ordinary student who worries about nothing? F*CK! But STANDARD is what I've become and I have no choice. And now, I'm exceedingly disappointed with myself for not being able to do good. For not being able to show myself and people my worth. 

Isn't it obvious? I am DEPRESSED. F*ck!

(Unedited)

Halfway there

 “Yes! Maka-third year jud ko!” And with this, I’ve finally gained the confidence to put in the education section of my FB profile the words ‘BS in Accountancy’. You see, when I was still starting out in college, I’ve sort of made a pact with myself. That I will put my school’s name and my course in my account’s info only when I reach third year—when I’m positive enough that I won’t be kicked out from the program anymore (unless it’ll cross my mind to shift to BS Bio).

 Putting or writing your course in the info corner of your FB account is probably not much of a big deal for you. But for me, it is. It is an affirmation of the decision I made, of this dream I’m chasing. For some, reaching third year might not even be something worth celebrating and bragging about. But for us Accountancy students, it truly is. They say that once you reach third year, ‘safe na ka’  because what you only need to do is to try not to get a grade of F. So long as you stay away from that F pit, the chance of you graduating is not completely faint.

Now enough with the celebration. Honestly, the mere thought of reaching third year makes my knees tremble. I know it’s going to be tougher and more taxing this time. I know that this time acing my subjects will be more of like a dream, an unreachable one, rather than something I know is hard to achieve but nevertheless is something I’m confident about. I also know that I’ve got to step up my game as I’ll be bracing myself for what will only be a Hunger Games-like journey  in that arena of booby traps and mutts such as Cost, Tax, Law, Audit, et cetera, et cetera. I’m even sure there’ll be no enough time to be hanging around the Cornucopia of procrastination and complacency.

 Making it this far is also harder than it seems. The farther we get, the fewer we become. From nine blocks in first year, now we’re down to like two or three blocks for third year. It’s painful to see people whom you’ve become friends in the short span you were together to part ways with you as they traverse another path. It’s hard to cramp altogether the feeling of being joyful because you’ve made it to the next level and the feeling of being separated away from your friends as you inevitably continue to dwindle in number. However, the friendships established will always be kept in ablaze. Surely, the bond created will not that easily break off.

 Two years have passed; two more years yet to be surmounted. It’s all so surreal, indeed. And now, I’m almost halfway there. With the tides surely gonna be more fierce and ominous ahead, I could only hope for things to continue sailing towards the right directions.

 +AMDG